So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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