Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
