my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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