Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
