I'm passing your future prison.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
