There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
