i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I have already put on my inside pants.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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