goodnight i made you a song goodbye
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
