she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
