Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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