Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
