You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
