so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
