im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Randomize
