Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
