Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
We left the knife in your bed.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize