What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Come back. Shots need mouths.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Randomize