well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Randomize
