i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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