She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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