If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
my poor anus
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
