He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
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