So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
