My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
