her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
