i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
bring money and cleavage
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
