id be glad to
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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