Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
