we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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