hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
