he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
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