Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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