i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
