you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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