Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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