can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize