I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
What a dumb baby whore.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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