Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
