it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
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