it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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