so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
