the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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