I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
