So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
