remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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