dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
