So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
There's even glitter on my cock...
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