Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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