Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
