i already hear my dad disowning me
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
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