It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
