WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
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