I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
