i already hear my dad disowning me
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
