my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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