Pappa wants mamma naked
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
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