You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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