but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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