Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Randomize
