If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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