last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
