why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
