FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize