do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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