he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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