I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
