too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
