I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
