she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
