Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize